Language that we choose

Some might ask why do I blog in English, well it just came naturally. Sometimes, I do blog in Bahasa depends on   my mood and the subject I guess.

Believe me, I'm not so good in writing, you will see a lot of grammar mistakes while you read this, but for me it is more on how do I express myself. I love Bahasa Melayu and I think it has the best sound in the world but sometimes if I blog in Bahasa, I feel that I can express myself enough as I keep looking for that Malay word and sometimes I feel the word is too "jiwang" haha. But it doesn't mean that I will not blog in Malay, like I mentioned earlier, it depends on mood and subject.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter what language that we use to express ourselves, what important is to get the message across and to let our voice to be heard. It doesn't matter if the reader understand or not but as long as we have something good to say, people will find the way to understand it. I mean that is Google translate for, right?

I'm 32....

Yap, tomorrow I will be 32...wow 32...never thought that I'll be single in this age. Well, just happy I'm still alive, healthy and somewhat happy.

When I'm picture what would I be in 32 when I was a little girl, perhaps married with 2 children a girl and a boy. But I guess Allah has another plan for me and I'll accept it with all my heart.

At first, it kind bothers me when I'm still single when I'm 30 but when you come to my age,you learn to accept that you may be single for quite sometime and it is ok to feel so. The more important thing would be what do you want to do with your life. Marriage and kids are what we all want but it is not ultimate goal of woman's life. Yes,marriage and kids might fulfilling your life, so if you don't have it, it is the end of the world for you?

Don't sweat, love will come and love will go but what stay with us is who we are inside, our essence and our believe. Just take this free time for us to reflect, do what we want and enjoy ourselves as we might not have the time later and we will began to miss the time that we have when we are single and carefree!

Happy Leap Year!

So today is quite special because it only come every four years. Sometimes, I just wonder what would happen to me in the next leap year...have I achieved my dreams and where would I be?

Well, enough is enough about my blabbering life but what I want to share about Academy Awards, mostly about films and actors that win the award. Well, I only manage saw part of ceremony in hotel but for this year, there's no surprise at all, as The Artist has won for best picture. Well it won every awards prior to Oscar so is there any surprise at all?

For some reasons, sometimes I make myself to watch some of nominated movies whether for the best picture or best actor or actress. Well, I guess I just want to judge whether the movies or actors are that good and worth to support to. Some movies also did change my perception and understanding of the world. Below are some of my favourites nominated movie that won the awards:



The Blindside 

One of my favourite movies of all time. I can watch it over and over again without fail and Sandra Bullock did deserve the Oscar. The movie is based on real story of Michael Oher who is an NFL player that being adopted my Tuohy's family. I learn that you have to believe in people, and their kindness. Sometimes, I do "obsessing" with the real people of the story just to find out whether it is really happen, and indeed after many hours in youtube watching their interviews, I feel that When I feel down, I do watch it to make me believe in people again. I do recommended this movie to everyone to see it.



The Help

I forced myself to watch this movie as I heard that it is a very good movie, and indeed it is. I watched it on flight on the way back from Osaka and never regret it a bit. Well, shed some tears and luckily no one saw it as they busy sleeping hehe. Viola Davis did give a good performance but Octavia Spencer did steal the show. What I can say that I can see a chocolate pie in a different way now...err...





The Sixth Sense

The one and only thriller film that I like. I hate "seram" movies because I tend to imagine it when I go to sleep. It is up for Best Direction, Film and Best Actor in 1999. I was so stunned on the surprise ending and have to re-watch again just to put the clues back together. Still if I watch the movie, I need to hide behind my hand or pillow and make sure I go to youtube to watch funny videos (HIMYM or Scrubs) just to let it disappear from my mind.





The Social Network

Well, of course you need to see this movie as it depicted the famous trend right now, the facebook. I think that Jessie Eisenberg (love him in Rio) has done a fair portrayal of Mark Zukerberg and played it brilliantly. You feel sorry and sometimes annoying at his character but in the end the real person  portrayed is still filthy rich. Justin Timberlake also is not bad  in the movie. The actors in the movie have somehow manage to become even bigger for example, Justin got lot movie deals after that, Andrew Garfield become Spiderman and Winklevoss twins, Armie Hammer has manage to become a leading man in adaptation movie of Sleeping Beauty, Mirro- Mirro with Julia Robers and Lily Collins.

Well, I guess there are move good movies to watch and right now I'm trying to get myself to watch The Decesdant (George Clooney) and also Moneyball (Brad Pit). Wish I have time to do it!

It's been a long time...

It has been a long time since I update my blog. Lost of interest is the main reason. So, just want to recap what happen in my life recently.

Previous months have been quite hectic and challenging but manage to complete something. For example last September went to Korea, even to Jeju Island, so off Korea from my travel list. Went to Japan, again for one week. Quite hectic and  meaningful experience. I was accompanying my Instructor for Japan Conference presentation which I was co-presenter. Proud of myself. Went to visit a centre one of the best Instructor in Japan Mrs. Tabayashi, and sit on VIP table during KAO Dinner. Highlight of my life.

Last October, I've become an aunt. At first I'm not sure what to address me, I don't want mak long because I feel old, since my sister take "mama" why don't I become "Ibu" since an aunt is still a mother, right. Alyssa (pronounced Alicia) Nur Irdina is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. I've become those aunts that keep their niece/nephew photos in phone, and proudly shows to everyone how cute she is. I can't keep myself to buy her toys and now planning to buy her first book. Since she is the first grandchild for both families, she is going to be spoil by everyone, I'm sure.

My student life is the same and most stressed ever last semester. The subjects that I've thought can get A, got B- and subject that I though I'm going to get C got B+. I was so stressful last year that I thinking to flunk the subject but thanks to my personal advisor and a lot help from Allah that help me to go through it.

Year 2012 was started with a great change for me. I was transferred to another division and taking care outstation, which is my own hometown. I was actually "redha" in my previous division to take care only local centre but Allah has mysterious way and here I am in another division. At first I was nervous, because I am taking over the area that the previous staff has done a lot with it. It is hard to fill his shoes and his achievements. I was sad for him because I know how much work he has done and he is not able to feel and see it. But I promise myself, I would not take credit for his achievements and should be happy that he has set-up a good ground for me to continue his work.

I start 2012 with no resolution at all, nothing, nada, zero. Why? I just though maybe I need to be lay low this year. I feel that I just go with flow and see what's coming up. But after a while, it hit me perhaps I need some changes. Most of my activities revolve around my friends, if they don't want to do it, I can't do it too. They don't want to travel anymore and event go out like last time, for karaoke or bowling. It is hard to ask them out now. I understand, perhaps their priorities have changed or perhaps only with me. But I can't complain much because I can't force them to do something that they don't want to do anymore. So, I said to myself, why don't just I do it all the things that I want to do without waiting for them. Previously, I can watch movie by myself, why can't I do it now? I still can travel by myself and just go if I want to. I'm starting to feel some kind of feeling that now I have time, money and my youth ( I guess) Why don't I do the things that I want to do because I might not have the luxury to do it in case if I don't have all things I mentioned just now.

I just to accept the fact that I'm a lone ranger now. The more I accept it will becomes easy for me not to depend on others. I already started to go out every week by myself and sometimes it makes my tired for weekdays. The things I can do by myself like shopping and eating alone are becoming habit. I don't care anymore to tell waitress a seat for one and just eat there alone while playing with my tabby and took my own sweet time. I can go to bookshops and linger there as long as I want and perhaps go to Secret Recipe to eat deserts after long day at the mall.

I just think, who knows how long I have the time for myself now, because in case I ever meet someone and have children, or even, there is some unfortunate think happen to me, I think this is the time I will miss the most. So, I would like to enjoy it while I still have it!

 My precious niece, Alyssa, Chica....










At Nami Island










Took train from Kobe to Osaka, by ourselves








at Toru Kumon Musuem...

During presentation in Kobe...

Song that I feel right now....

Get It Right

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/g/glee-cast-lyrics/get-it-right-lyrics.html ]
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

There's gotta be more to life...

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

Than waiting on something other than this life day to day 
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....



I like this song and the video clip is superb...now I just wondering in my life waiting what will happen next. Is not I'm down or something but it just I'm living without knowing what happen next. I don't have a big plan and I can't see my self in the next 10 years and even in the next year.


Sometimes I feel like I am a floating seeds that just go wherever the wind blows me. Of course I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for my family, I mean I'm going to be an aunty soon. I have great friends although they are not understand me at all, I have a room (rented) that cover me from rain and sun, I have car, my lovely chikita that is integral for my work and bring me anyway I want. 

I've got job that nowadays kinda stressing but still can cope and I do need to work to live, and basically I have no complain in my life it just I feel I'm missing something...perhaps many people would say about love, marriage and baby but how would I missing something that I don't have from the beginning?


Sometimes I just wondered when do my life begins? after I got married? having kids?grandchildren? Do I have to do like "Eat, Pray, Love" to find myself? would i able to let go?


I am thinking that I need to do something different for my life, when I was chatting in travelling forum, I was complaining because there is nobody want to travel with me next year and one of forumer suggested I went travel solo, at first I was opposed of the idea and then when I think back, why not? I could learn something about myself and it is different from what I'm doing now..


I'm just babbling and feeling like tired of doing the same thing again and again. So the first step I'm going to do is to change the theme for this blog...and to coming out with more challenging activities...just wait! By the way enjoy some motivational quotes that help me to summerize my feelings!

31 years old

I'm 31 years old and one day today, how do I feel? Nothing changed just add "1" to 30 only. Still not accomplished what I want to accomplish and still single. Not feeling as loser though as I have many things to thank for in my life.

My life is still not as stable as before, with additional workload and trying to grab everything in short time, I feel like a pile of garbage was thrown on me and I'm trying the best way to find my way into "the light". Sometimes I feel can I do this? and why should I do this?

It's not that I'm complaining but I do feel that I can't breath sometimes..and keep reminding myself that I can do this and be patient. I'm trying to focus on positive things and trying to hope that I still can achieve my dreams and to explore what is my capability and why am I here.

I just live my life one day at the time as I refuse to think about the future, actually I am afraid to think about my future because the ability not knowing it scares me a lot.

I just know that Allah has His plan for me and with all my heart I believe in Him.